dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
