Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
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