I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
