Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
