Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
