He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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