I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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