I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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