I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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