she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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