I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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