i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
