I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
