I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
