Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize