covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
