On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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