Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
