I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
