there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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