Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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