Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
she smelled like a LAN party
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
