I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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