woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
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She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
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You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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