Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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