defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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