what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
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Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
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The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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