everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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