My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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