1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
