Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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