fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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