Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
