Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(714): View more from California

OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign

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(516): View more from New York

Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.

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(806): View more from Texas

A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"

(501): View more from Arkansas

Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...

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(716): View more from New York

I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.

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(806): View more from Texas

Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.

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(503): View more from Oregon

I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.

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(248): View more from Michigan

I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.

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(662): View more from Mississippi

I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!

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