did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
