I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
