I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
