I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
