you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
