He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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