Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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