I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
