yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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