If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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