What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
