Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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