I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
