I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
