Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
