How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
