Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
please come you make the beer taste better
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
