dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
