instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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