i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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