I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
