This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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