it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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