I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
