you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Randomize
