wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
