First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Boobs speak an international language.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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