I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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