he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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