I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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