Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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