I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize