It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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