If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
